Maura's Memory Bear

 

11 years ago, after the death of our brand new baby brother John David, we were introduced to DD's Memory Bears. She used her incredible talents to create not 1, but 2 bears using the hospital gown that Mama wore... {I am not able to upload a picture to this post, but if you click on 'bears' and 'hospital gown', you will see the gown and then one of the two bears...}

 With Maura's death, we all knew that Maura Memory Bear's were a must. After Rachael, Clare, Aunt Mary, and I cleared our her room and brought home all of her clothes, the search began for memory bear materials. After they were chosen, we placed our items in a ziploc bag with our name so that they could all be shipped together. Honestly, that time was such an incredible blur, that I had forgotten what I had chosen!

Finally, 10weeks, 8 bears, and 1 pillow later we have our Maura Anne Memory Bears! They were all shipped to Mama and Papa's house, which as much as I want mine N.O.W., I think it will be more beneficial to get her surrounded by my parents and siblings...

Without further ado, here is my memory bear...

The main fabric was a long sleeve cotton shirt and the colorful fabric was a zippered jacket that she picked out all on her own! Maura Anne had a love for color and patterns that was all her own! I ADORE the hood/bonnet that was created!

Fears

 In the very near future, we will be heading to Mississippi and I am terrified...

You see, Maura never traveled to Florida. It was never expected or anticipated for her to come. Therefor, not having her here or expecting to see her on a certain day kind of makes her death something I do not have to face. In a way, I can push it to the outer recesses of my mind and pretend that it did not happen...

However, traveling to MS, I WILL have to face this reality. I cannot pretend any longer. I must deal the emotions and feelings that I have suppressed for the past 3+ months. There will be no stopping at her residence to pick her up/visit her. There will be no watching my children interact with their aunt that is as childlike as they are. There will simply be no Maura...

There will be a visit to Lakewood Memorial Park to view her headstone and visit both Maura and John David's graves. There will be receiving my Maura Anne memory bear that has been created using some of her clothing and a Rosary made by an elderly Nun using the roses from her funeral.  There will be memories made and memories shared. At most, there will only be 7 of the 9 Gray-Lewis physically there at any given time...

Today, I was sharing these fears with my father. Speaking them out loud and not feeling (or being made to feel) crazy was so very nice. In fact, Papa told me that he had a hard time with the drive out here on Friday. But it is a fear that I cannot allow to control me...

Unfortunately, I feel like that is exactly what is happening - my fear of going home is consuming. I am able to push it aside during the day, but in those quiet moments, it takes over. At night, the fears associated with facing reality are horrifying. These fears are what make up my nightly nightmares...

Over the past few months, I knew at some point reality would slap me in the face. I knew that although my head knows that Maura is in Heaven, my heart still holds out hope that this is some bad joke. Even when I relive those 6 days we were in MS after her death - going to the funeral home, putting on her make-up, painting her nails, brushing her hair, her wake and funeral, her burial, etc - I still wonder...

This trip will be a maiden voyage. It will help my heart heal and understand the truth that she is indeed with John David in Heaven. It will let me know that I am stronger than I think and can make it home and deal with the multitude of emotions that will come with it. It will allow me some much needed time with my brothers and sisters and parents - and not because we are gathering for a funeral, but rather a joyous occasion - my sisters (Mollie and Clare) graduation from High School and Nursing School!

My prayer is that my fears are for nod and that the result will be healing...

"Have no fear of moving into the unknown Simply step out fearlessly knowing that I am with you, therefore no harm can befall you; all is very, very well. Do this in complete faith and confidence."

~Blessed Pope John Paul II

Wesley's Wisdom

Tonight, Wesley and I were planning on snuggling in my bed. As such, I asked him to crawl into bed and lay down so that I could get a glass of water. When I return, he is standing next to bed, looking quite perplexed. I ask him why he was not in bed and he informs me that there is someone under the covers and he is scared. I ask him who could possibly be under the covers and his response completely surprised me...

"Mommy, I think Aunt Maura is hiding in there!"

At this, I reminded him that Aunt Maura was in Heaven. With that, he looks at me, hands on hips, and announces:

"Mommy, I know she in Heaven. I think she come to 'nuggle' with us"

We decided to pretend that Nicky Bear was Aunt Maura and snuggled with him...

God's {Ever So Mysterious} Timing

God's timing is incredible and always works in mysterious ways!

Daddy is the president of our HomeOwners Association. Because of this, he has different signs made and keeps them here at the house. The majority of these signs are delivered by the wife of the owner of our management company (did you follow that?!)...

Friday, she dropped off a new 'Yard Of The Month' sign. Since she had no kiddos and mine were playing quietly (!)we took the opportunity to catch up and chat. At one point, she mentioned her sewing room and bells went off in my head and I ran to m room to gather my supplies....

Aunt Maura's Nightgown created be her niece and nephews

As some of you may know, I have been searching for nearly 2 months for someone to help me create a blanket of sorts using some of my Maura Annie and John David's materials - most importantly the nightgown my kiddos made and the blanket John David used. Everybody that I have asked, does not feel comfortable with such memorable items. There was one lady I called that wanted over $150 for a simple small blanket. Because of these constant road blocks, I pushed it back to the dark recesses of my mind thinking that if it were God's will, the perfect opportunity would arise...

I returned and laid all of my goodies out for her to seep. She looked at the stuff and immediately had the idea of a memory quilt - something I had never thought of! We chatted a bit more and she asked me to gather a few more things and then we are a go!

When she left, I sat in my closet and sobbed. What she is envisioning is far better than anything I could have ever thought of! It was the glimmer of light that I needed after a very difficult week! God is SO good and His timing is so perfect - always!

Memory Quilt Exmple

Later that evening, I emailed my parents about this. I wanted to let them know about the incredible kindness that is still being shown. Well, my mom wrote back that she also looked into one, but the lady in MS wanted to charge well over $1000! Because of that, mama pushed it out of her mind. But, when I saw this, my wheels got to turning!

Since I live so very far away, there is not much I can physically do to help my family, but THIS was something I COULD at least try to help with. I thought about asking mama's approval first, but then decided not to in case it was not able to happen...

So, I thought of different ways to get the word out as to what I was looking for and decided upon social media - a.k.a. FaceBook!

This is what I posted at 5:09pm...
My Dear MS Friends: my mama is wanting a memory quilt with some of Maura Annie's special things. Do any of you sew or know someone that would be willing to help her out in this endeavor? She found someone who could, but wanted over $1000 - no bueno! This gift would mean the absolute world to her, and the entire Gray-Lewis family as well...
By 5:14pm, I had my first offer. Then, at 5:16 came the second!

Papa and Miss Hudspeth 2012

I called mama and informed her that I had 2 people willing to make a quilt! She was speechless - which NEVER happens! It meant the world for me to be able to help with this, however little my part may be! Hearing my mother full of joy is so incredible and after all that she does for us, being able to help in some way with this special project makes me SO very happy!

Mama and Maura Annie loved to snuggle...

During this call though, she informed me that had I called just 30 minutes later, she would have nothing left of Maura Annie. She had all of her clothes packed and waiting by the door and she was going to drop them at GoodWill when she out later!

God's timing is always perfect!

A Picture's Value

A few weeks ago, I received a package from mama that contained some Maura memorabilia - pictures, news articles, prayer cards, and such. At first, I could not look through them as it was just too painful. The slowly, very slowly, I began to pull things out - every few days, I would pull out a new picture or news article. I would shed my tears and take my time. The package remained on my kitchen counter waiting for me to finish going through its contents....

Well, today was the day. I shed many tears this morning, and I felt like this afternoon I needed to look at that last picture. I needed to remember. As I looked at it, I began to cry - the remaining picture was the first one taken after Maura's birth...

Rachael, Phuong, and I stayed behind the curtain with Dr. Wender (a family friend and Neonatologist) while Mama, Papa, and Dr. McMillan (another family friend and Maura's God Mother) helped Maura Anne make miraculous entry into this world, late in the evening on August 13, 1991. It was a beautiful occasion - the first birth any of us siblings had attended and we were just awe struck. We rejoiced. We cried. We were in love. We watched as Maura Anne was Baptized immediately after she was born by Dr. McMillan. We observed when they brought her behind the curtain so that Dr Wender could do his exam - we all just stared at this little 4lb 10oz miracle. We made memories...

That first Meeting

Finally the time came for us to see Mama and for her to hold her brand new daughter. We all gathered around Mama and could not take our eyes off of this absolutely incredible being that just entered the world. It was beautiful...

As I looked closely at the picture, I noticed the pillow case Mama was leaning against - the pillow she had brought from home to use during labor. You cannot read the entire thing, but it says 'Mary Paul' - it is MY pillowcase painted by a dear friends mother when I was little. It is a pillow case I found shortly after we moved to FL that I have slept with every night as a reminder of my family at home...
What a special, unexpected link - one that came at a perfect time when I was feeling lonely and homesick. Now, I have a special link to Maura. One that has been there since day 1, yet we never even noticed!

GreifShare Emails To The Rescue...Again!

Grief can't be rushed - that was the titles of this morning's GriefShare e-mail, and, once again, it was exactly what my heart desired...

Grief Cannot Be Rushed
Day 21

Your journey through grief cannot be compared to another person's journey. You will grieve in your way and in your time. Grief does not have a set time limit. The only certainty is that it will take longer than you want it to.
"It's a process that cannot be rushed," says Dr. Robert Jeffress. "As a pastor who has dealt with hundreds and hundreds of people who have gone through a loss, I can tell you that it is a process, and it is a longer process than any of us want to believe.

"Going through grief is like going through a tunnel. The bad news is the tunnel is dark. The good news is that once you enter into that tunnel, you are already on your way out."

Your journey is your own, but you are not alone. Do not be afraid to cry out to God,

"How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?" (Psalm 13:2).

How long, Lord, how long? This tunnel is so dark. Show me Your light. Amen.
 

You see, yesterday morning, there was a change in plans, and I have found that a 'trigger' of mine since Maura's death is a sudden change in routine. I had a moment an hour where I felt like life was falling apart. Towards the end of my meltdown, I found the picture to the right <---- . It was as if, she was telling me to just chill out, and I did. Shortly after finding that picture, I recovered and was better than ever! The rest of the day was an absolute breeze, except for the question of when will this end. When will I not have to worry about having meltdowns at the slightest thing. When will I stop feeling like a toddler that doesn't get his way... Needless, today's reminder was absolutely what my heart needed, until today....

I realized this morning that yesterday was Tuesday - she died on Tuesday, January 29, 2013 @ 1:10 pm CST.  Yesterday was 5 weeks, and I never even realized it. Once I did today, I felt so guilty was devastated. I could not believe that I had forgotten. So today was a bad day, a very bad day. I had frequent meltdowns. I was snippy. I was plain and simple not happy. Even now as I write, I feel so angry - not with God or Maura, but with myself, for forgetting. I know many will think of that as a good thing, but in my head, at this given moment, it is unacceptable.  I feel as though I did something unthinkable. I feel like I let her down, and that hurts to the core...

As my day went from bad to worse, I went through my GriefShare emails to look for help, and I found it on Day 17...

 Denial
Day 17

Are you living in a bad dream? Is every step and every move you make automatic and devoid of emotion? Do you feel suspended in time and unable or unwilling to start up again?

Don't worry. You are experiencing a typical first reaction to grief—denial. Denial is a natural reaction to one of life's most painful events. Your body uses denial as a protective device, be it consciously or subconsciously, to avoid facing reality.

"The clock will mean nothing anymore," says Rev. John Coulombe. "Barely will the calendar. People won't know what day it is, yet their senses are more keenly aware than ever before. It's like a dream that is happening, and they can't get out of it. Everything is in slow motion. But this is normal; this is a response to death."
You must not feel guilty or anxious if you are experiencing denial; God offers you reassurance for this portion of the journey. You can say with confidence, "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you [God] are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me" (Psalm 23:4).

Oh, Lord God, I am numb in the valley of the shadow of death, but I know You are holding me steady, and You won't ever let me go. Amen

As always that one paragraph meant so very much to me. Much like the email I read upon awakening in tears, clutching the nightgown that was with her when she left this earth and entered the gates of Heaven. I want it to get easier. I want to feel like I am no longer "walking through the valley of the shadow of death" (Psalm 23). I want to really and truly feel happy again. I want life to be 'normal'...

But when you read the rest of Psalm 23:4 it says..." I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."

Lord, help me to remember this verse in my most troubled times. Help me to remember that you and our Blessed Mother are always with me and all of those who grieve Maura Annie - ready to provide comfort and love, as long as I ask. Keep giving us these little reminders that she is home, safe and sound. In a place where she has no struggles. A place where she will never again experience pain or discomfort. A place where she will always have that huge smile on her face and her hand covering her mouth as she laughs....

Maura Annie, we love you so very, very much and words cannot express just how greatly we miss you. XOXO, Paul

Out of the mouth of babes...

Tonight at Mass, as I was walking back from Communion, my eyes fell upon a little boy with Down Syndrome. He was so joyful - dancing down the isle, back to his pew, while his big sister tried to subdue him... much like we always did with Maura...

As they sat and I continued to my pew, I could not take my eyes off of him. His smile. His short chubby fingers. His eyes. It all reminded me of our precious little red head. At one point, the sister noticed my staring and I just grinned, waved, and quickly turned my head to hide the tears pouring from my eyes...

As I turned around, Hannah and Wesley noticed my tears, even though I tried desperately to hide it from them! Hannah went into my purse and gave me tissues and the squeezed me and kissed me. Wesley squeezed my neck and played with my hair. I was so grateful for these two sensitive, caring, and nurturing children I had at this very moment. The love they showed was beyond anything I have ever experienced from these two...

Slowly, they released their holds as my tears slowed. They each gave me one last kiss - Hannah went back to her singing and prayers and Wesley did something that still shocks me...

He looked at me and whispered "I make you stop crying, Mommy." What his plans were, I had no idea, but was anxious to see what this brand new 4 year old was about to do...

Wesley looked at me, took my glasses off and cleaned them. He them took my tissues and ever so gently, wiped my eyes. After this came the most incredible and heartfelt gesture he has done - he kissed each eye and then ever so carefully put my glasses back on...

Once he finished, he once again whispered "See, I kiss them so you no cry anymore. They all better now, Mommy." He stopped for a minute and appeared to look in the direction of the little guy with Down.Syndrome. Wesley then looked at me, leaned forward and said, "Mommy, Aunt Maura is okay in Heaven..."

Wesley To The Rescue!

On Wednesday nights, Daddy will take Lil' Robert to CCD while Wesley and sometimes Hannah stay behind with just mommy. Tonight, Wesley wanted to be just with mommy, so Hannah went to CCD.

Once they left, we played a game of 'policeman' where you (ssshhh...don't tell daddy) run around the house screaming FREEZE and 'shooting' each other with the cork guns! We had an absolute blast with this - at one point, Wesley cornered me outside. It was quite the game!

Then, we had dessert - this was an ordeal because Mr. Man could not decide on ANYTHING. He would open one thing and then after a bite, decide it wasn't for him. Finally, he was given one last thing and off to Mommy and Daddy's bed we went - me with my diet coke, and Wesley with his Hot Hot Cocoa Milk!

My sweet, not such a baby, baby were enjoying our snuggles. He was watching cartoons, while I did some work on the computer - organizing my inbox and creating a folder (before caving) all of my Maura Annie pictures. At some point, I pressed a button, and in that instant, all of the pictures went away. I was devastated. The sobs began. At first they were quiet but before long, I could no longer control it...

Once Wesley heard my sobs he looked at me, with his gorgeous, innocent, loving eyes and said, "It's otay mommy, I take care of you." He then crawled out of the bed and out of sight. I remained at the computer sobbing, trying desperately to find these precious pictures with no luck. Before I knew it, he was back with a handful of tissues!

My sweetheart crawled into bed and just squeezed me, saying over and over, "I yove you, Mommy!" The sobs settled and after a prayer to St. Anthony, the pictures were found, sorted, and saved!

The Little Things

Life has most definitely changed  - forever. And that change is slowly - VERY slowly - being accepted. This is not to say that I don't cry myself to sleep still or go anywhere without a pocket of tissues or have even looked at regular mascara, but slowly, I feel things becoming a new normal...

But even with this, there are unpredictable things that will set me into a tizzy - like finding a receipt from CVS, where we stopped as soon as we crossed into MS. That little piece of crumpled paper brought about mass amounts of tears...

The sweet text messages from my family this past Saturday, February 23, letting me know how Team Maura did in the Special Olympics 5K. That brought about a days worth of tears - even requiring me to hide in the bathroom for a bit during a birthday party...

Or today, getting an email about all of these beautiful pictures taken of Maura Annie for Rachael's "engagement Session." I had never seen them all, but lets just suffice it to say, my day has been ruined. They were beautiful. They captured her innocence and pure joy - a reminder to just how perfect she was...

While most days, I try to buy myself with the day to day of life, there are moments where the reality of never seeing her again on earth come full force. These moments always catch me by surprise. They are never expected or anticipated. They just come - as I assume life will from here on . Life's moments will just happen.

Like Granny said, "Lord I'll make the motions, you do the work."

Moments....

Lately, life has been okay - not great, but not terrible. We have resumed our normal schedule and made the most of each day, each moment. School was resumed last week and we have been at it with a vengeance. Our Tuesday and Thursday pre-school resumed this week, as well as my twice weekly tutoring sessions. But, even with this normalcy, the days are still so very hard.

Today, I was having a moment - I needed to get out of the house. I needed to get my thoughts off of my sister and back to my children. So, we packed some carrots and walked across the street to give the horses a treat. The kiddos loved feeding the horses and petting them, even marveling at the vast amount of spit produced with each carrot devoured! It was indeed a wonderful distraction for all of us!

I feel like I have finally found some coping methods for when these moments take hold - whether for minutes or hours. I have found some ways to feel close to her - I have have a pair of her pants and a sweatshirt (stolen one night in MS when I could not get warm) - that I will wear. Or I will grab the nightgown the kiddos made her and bury my face in it, muffling the sobs. (The husband knows when he sees either of these, that I am definitely in an about to break down, missing my sister mood and does exactly what I need - provide the comfort that I so desire)

Aforementioned pants and sweatshirt - we were all huddling together watching the Super Bowl - A bit of normalcy... 

I am trying so hard for these to just be moments and nothing more, but that is hard. It is so very easy to fall into that pit of despair, but I must always remember that I have 3 little people and a husband that rely on me. That need me. That need these seemingly never ending moments, to spread out and just become moments, not hours, not days.

I desperately want to enjoy every second of every day with my kiddos and husband. I want desperately to not be snippy or act grouchy. I want desperately for my smiles to be real and not forced. I want desperately to figure out this new normal. I want desperately to be accepting of it....

I will always miss Maura Annie. I will never stop grieving her loss, but I will also never have these precious moments with my children again. I will never have these moments with my husband again. Everyday that I am stuck in these moments, is a wasted day of memory making with my family - something that I am sure Miss Mischief would not approve of. However, to do this, I must figure out how to let go of the guilt that has such a hold...

Team Maura

Team Maura Shirts! They are on sale for $10!

Special Olympics walk is this Saturday Feb. 23rd, 2013! Everyone come out and support Maura Gray-Lewis and her family!! We will all be wearing our Team Maura shirts! Registration begins at 7a.m. at Reunion Subdivision in Madison on the Reunion Beach. 

For questions call 601-942-2094 and ask for Mary Ford.

I hope you can all make it out to support my family and help remember Maura Annie! 

God's Timing

Thank God for friends who are there when you need them!

A group of my friends and I had been planning a Valentine's Day Celebration for about a month. Given the recent events and my desire to do absolutely nothing, I had no intention of going... until my girlfriends decided that they would come to my house and make sure that the four of us went - and boy am I glad that we did...

Once the decision was made, we needed to make Valentine's for all of our little friends. This year, we went super simple and the kiddos cut out and decorated hearts for all. Once we were done, we put everything in a pile on the table and planned on cleaning once we arrived back home...

The party was a blast (pictures to come!) and I am so glad that we had the distraction. The kiddos had a great time and it did my heart such good to hear my kiddos laughing and see them smile. They played with friends and made crafts. And when it was time to leave, I let out some intense emotions by cleaning the entire floor with baby wipes - it felt good!

When we came home, it was time to clean up all of our art supplies from earlier. Right before I put the last stack of papers in the HomeSchool closet, I came across this picture that Hannah had created over the MLK weekend, when Aunt Maura was first admitted to the infirmary for IV antibiotics...

Aunt Maura - Love Hannah - I hope you feel better soon.

Grief

It is amazing how much you can forget in 11 years... just like childbirth (or C-sections), if you remembered, it would never happen again, at least as much as you can control...

As the days go by, I remember more and more the grief that was felt after John David entered the Gates of Heaven on December 9, 2001. It amazes me how I forgot the intense pain. The heartache. The longing. The intense depression that followed...

When death catches you off guard, the grief is so much greater. Who expects to have a baby die? Who expects for their child to die after having gallbladder surgery - esp after that person was doing remarkably better? But you do expect a person who had been battling an illness to die...

The pain is real. It is debilitating at times. There are many times I want to just fall to the floor screaming like I did after I received that call 16 days ago. So much different from the pain I felt when my grandparents died - that was expected. A baby and a 21yo? Really?

I wish grief had a timeline.  A routine. Something that told you how to feel when and for how long, but that is far from the case. Grief changes day to day. Minute to minute...

I know that God knew when He created Maura, just like each of us, how many days we would be here. How many breaths we would take. My head knows that this was His plan and has been all along. It is my heart that wants to fight it. My heart that wants to argue with Him and fight until she is back here doing her crazy dances. Talking to us in the language only she understands. Holding onto her books...

I continue to search for the peace that she is with her baby brother, our Heavenly Father, and Blessed Mother. It is a peace that only they can provide...

One day, the tears will end. The grief will lessen. Life will feel normal. When that day comes, I will welcome it with open arms. I will embrace it and not let go...

Letters to Heaven

On Monday, I decided it was time to return to school, in an attempt to make life normal again... Our first lesson was to write a letter to Aunt Maura in Heaven....

Aunt Maura, Do you get sugar in Heaven?
Love, Bert Bert

Aunt Maura, What is Heaven like?
Love, Hannah

Count Your Blessings

Count Your Blessings

*Author Unknown*

Count your blessings instead of your crosses;

Count your gains instead of your losses. 

Count your joys instead of your woes; 

Count your friends instead of your foes. 

Count your smiles instead of your tears; 

Count your courage instead of your fears. 

Count your full years instead of your lean; 

Count your kind deeds instead of your mean. 

Count your health instead of your wealth; 

Count on God instead of yourself.

I get daily e-mails geared towards homeschooling families. They are sent out by a Christian organization and always seem to contain exactly what I need for that day...

Today was no different. I found myself feeling guilty for having fun. For enjoying time with my family. I felt as if by having fun, I was forgetting Maura Anne...

These feelings are no different from the ones I had after John David died - the difference being, at the time, I had no husband or children. I was a Freshman in college, living in a dorm room by myself. My days were consumed with classes and tears. I fell into a depression. I lost all of my new found friends - life was hard...

This time, I feel the depression. It is hanging over my head like a dark cloud trying to get in, BUT, I cannot allow that to happen. I have to keep going. I cannot lie in bed and cover my head, forgetting about life. I am a wife. I am a mom. I must keep going...

Each day is a struggle. I am having to learn how to deal with grief in a healthy manner. I am having to find the balance in life. I am having to realize that it is okay to cry. It is okay to be happy. It is okay to have fun. After all, that is what Maura Anne would want - I know that everytime I begin to fall into that depression, which is quite frequently, she points her finger at me from Heaven above and says "No no no no no no no, Paul"

Honoring Maura Anne

Maura LOVED her St. Richard Catholic School uniform, but she was not allowed to wear it anywhere but at home. So, without fail, every single time she came home, she would sign for her uniform and start stripping as soon as they pulled into the driveway. It was her favorite. It made her happy. Every single picture of her at home, she is wearing it. In fact, we decided to bury her in it. I am sure she laughed from Heaven above when that was decided!

Anyhow, a dear friend, Mikey Flood, knew this. He knew how much she loved it. He knew just how special it was to us at this sorrowful time and decided to do something a little outside of the box...

The night after Maura went to be with our Heavenly Father, Mikey came over. He pulled some of us aside and asked if it would be rude, painful, hurtful, etc to wear a uniform to the funeral. Of course we loved the idea - so much that we all laughed so very hard that we began to cry.

As Saturday drew near, we were all looking forward to see what he had come up with, but nothing could have prepared us for what he came up with...

Mikey, thank you so much for helping us to honor Maura. Your shirt, along with all of the effort and time you put into it, means more to my family than words can ever express. Your love for Maura and all of us means so very, very much. Thank you!

Our Final Farewell

Friday, February 1, 2013 began the process of giving Maura Anne her final farewell...

At 5:30pm, the hearse arrived at my childhood home carrying my sister in the back. All of the brothers and papa met them in the driveway and carried the casket inside where she spent the night in the living room. That night we had close friends and family over We ate dinner. Had drinks. Prayed a rosary. Cried. Laughed. Shared memories.

After everyone left, it was just us - Mama and Papa, Maura, and all of the siblings. We all spent one final night together in the house. We stayed up into the wee morning hours remembering the hard days of Maura's beginning. Her times of sickness and health. The unique antics of Maura. Her 'books.' Her bag. Her unique language. Her dancing. Her laughter. Her smile.

Sleep was not easily come by that night and before long, it was time to prepare for Maura's Funeral Mass and Visitation on Saturday, February 2, 2013. The funeral home arrived at 7:45 to pick her up. We sobbed as they drove away with her - her last time to leave the house... ever. After that, it was time to prepare for her funeral and get to St. Richard's Catholic Church...

We all began to arrive at 8:45 and there was a crowd waiting on us. Within 20 minutes there was a line of people all the way up the center aisle and out the front door of the church - all to pay their respects to Maura Anne - this little 21 year old girl with Down Syndrome. All of us were shocked at how many people there were and just how far some had traveled - the Priest estimated that over 400 people were in the Church that day, more than his typical Sunday Mass...

Her Funeral Mass was like no other. There was plenty of laughter. There were tears. There was absolutely NO black, only bright colors and 1 homemade St. Richard's School uniform made by a dear family friend as he knew that was Maura's absolutely favorite thing to wear when she came home. There was a beautiful testimony to life during the communion reflection done by mama. After the final blessing, ring pops were passed out to all who wanted them. All of the brothers and Papa, Uncle and Grandpa, nephews and friends, wore bow ties in bright colors and patterns as Maura was always in awe of them. Words cannot express just how comforting and healing it was for all of us. The outpouring of love was incredible...

 As I sit here writing my memories, 3 days later, the shock at just how incredible her funeral was is still present. I do not think that, as long as I live that I will forget or lose sight of that. So many loved her. So many cherished her. So many were touched by her simplicity. Her selflessness. Her just being her.

Thank you, Lord, for the gift of Maura Anne. She made us stop and appreciate the little things. She made us slow down and live life one moment at a time. She showed us the power of a smile and a laugh. She taught us so much. For that we thank you for entrusting her with us....

Sts. Maura and John David, Pray for us.

No Black Allowed - Only Brights and Bow Ties

At Maura's Funeral it was decided that there would be no black - only bright colors. And all of the guys we could get in touch with, we asked to wear bright bow ties - even my little bits had handmade ones created by a dear friend Haley Nejam!

Childhood Innocence

After Maura Anne's graveside service, we all congregated at our little brother John David's grave. (Since he died as a baby, he is in a specific area, underneath a big oak tree and next to a lake, that is dubbed 'BabyLand.' Bad name, but a calming, comforting area.) While we were there, my kiddos realized that there were sticks and a lake and decided to have fun. Uncle JoJo joined them and watched to make sure they did not try to swim!

As I sat there watching, it brought me back to John David's graveside service, 11yrs, 1mth, and 22days prior, where JoJo, wearing overalls and rainboots, did the same thing...

Maura's Obituary

Maura Anne Gray-Lewis

Jackson

Maura Anna Gray-Lewis, 21, died Tuesday, January 29, 2013. A Mass of Christian Burial will be celebrated at 10:00 a.m. Saturday at St. Richard Catholic Church with burial following in Lakewood Memorial Park South. Visitation will begin at 9:00 a.m. Saturday at the church.

"Choose the Love You Chose" Poor Clares, Belleville, IL.

It is with reluctant but confident hearts that we offer back to the Father and His beloved Mother, our daughter Maura Anne. Maura was entrusted to us for 21 years and we have attempted to lover her fully. She in turn has loved us completely. Our faith teaches that the gift of life and love often comes in a "fragile earthen vessel" and such was the case with this precious red head.

Maura, now dance with you brother with the music as loud as Heaven will permit. Wait for us impatiently, we are en route.

Love, Mama, Papa, Ra- Ra, Sissy, LaLa, Paul, Jojo, Moo Moo, Michael and those wonderful "in loves."

Love gifts to Hudspeth Center, Pearl or to St. Richard Catholic Church.

Published in Clarion Ledger on February 1, 2013