My Plans VS God's Plans

Before bed last night, I told daddy about all I wanted to do today - go swimming, get the tires rotated/balanced, and a visit to the playground for a picnic. After the chaotic days of Monday and Tuesday, I needed a day to chill and have fun with the kiddos....

Apparently God heard this and thought it was time to teach me a lesson...

2 weeks ago, our fridge/freezer went kaput. We fixed it, but knew the time was fast approaching when we would need to replace it...

That time came last night around 11. Daddy went to get his pre-midnight snack of ice cream and I could see him from the bedroom pressing buttons. This morning, when he woke at 5:30 for work, the first thing he did was go to the fridge and open the door. Between this and the sour face, I knew something was definitely wrong....

The fridge had died...

By the time he left for work at 6:15, we had a plan. I would go to Home Depot and check out appliances since they offered free delivery, set up, and haul away. We also knew that we wanted to replace everything as our dishwasher has not been available for almost a year and our oven was taking longer and longer to warm up.

At 7a, I trekked to Home Depot with my 3, sure that we would be in and out in less than an hour and home in plenty of time before my friends kiddos arrived at 9...

Again, God wanted to teach me a lesson...

The 4 of us arrived there around 7:20. We walked straight to the appliance section where I found plenty of vendors, but no employees. After 10 minutes of searching and waiting, not 1 but 2 employees came to my rescue. I told them I needed a fridge delivered today - tomorrow at the absolute latest. I wanted it to be white. I wanted to replace all of my appliances and needed them the same brand. And then I gave them my dimensions. This pair pulled out and measured every single fridge/freezer there and wouldn't you know that only 1 matched my criteria and dimensions! I said go for it and one of the guys left. The remaining guy, Sean, helped me pick out all of the other appliances. Numbers were plugged in and a quote was given. I thanked Sean and told him I would return shortly after I spoke to my husband...

It was now 9am and my friend was arriving at Home Depot with her kiddos...

I called daddy and we discussed everything. I now had second thoughts and daddy had concerns. I trekked back into the store and no sooner had I stepped foot in the Appliance section, was Sean back asking me what he could do to help. I told him my concern about the stove and daddy's concern about the fridge/freezer. We spoke for another minute and then I decided that maybe I would open the door to stainless steel. However, this would create the need for a new microwave as our current is white...

With Sean's help, we opened the door to stainless. We found one that could be delivered on Friday, but in the 5 minutes it took to call daddy, it was snatched! So we started over again...

Then again...

Then again...

Now it was 10:45. I was done. The kiddos were done. I am sure that Sean was done!

At this point, I had come around to the idea that it would be Monday before we had a fridge and we needed a way to limp along until then....

I had a light bulb moment and decided a deep freezer would be the answer!

Sean and I finally find everything and he creates an invoice. I call daddy for the final okay before making this gigantic purchase official. He gave it, I agreed. Sean smiled. We were done! It was 11:30, 30 minutes before Sean's 5 hour shift ended!

In the end, we got a heck of a deal. Between shopping the deals, asking for discounts, and thinking ahead, we bought just shy of $5000 worth of appliances for MUCH less. This included a $200 discount that paid for the entire deep freezer and gave us $50 left over!

I don't know what lesson God wanted to teach me, but I learned to keep my plans to myself and not tell anyone...that way He can't hear me ;-)

Thoughts on Ceserean Deliveries

Lil' Robert, Hannah, and Wesley were all born too early. They were all born in a cold, sterile, very rushed, invasive manor. Not at all how I ever thought it would be...

When Daddy and I married, we spoke at length about family. Being one of 9, I wanted to have that big family, full of love and blessed chaos, and he was all for it. Together we decided, that we would have baby #1 in the hospital and the remainder that God blessed us with would be born in the comfort of our home...

On April 8, 2005, when I was 36wks along, part of that dream forever changed. When the doctor told us that we would require an emergency cesarean section NOW or risk losing our baby, I knew that having home births would be difficult to come by, especially since VBAC's were quite taboo at the time...

When we became pregnant with Hannah, all of our doctors agreed that a VBAC was okay to try and we were so excited! However on March 2, 2007, at just 35wks, that dream was crushed. While at work, I began having very strong, very painful contractions - not just the uncomfortable early ones, but doubled over, cannot walk, one does not end before the next begins kind of contractions. On the way to the hospital, things changed for the worse and 15 minutes after arriving at the hospital, Hannah was on her way to the NICU for a few hours of intense observation...

After this, I knew 2 things: 1.) A home birth would never happen and 2.) An eventual VBAC was unlikely. It took a lot of self affirmation to know that this would be okay. That never having the natural, family centered, non medically invasive birth was not the focus, rather having children that survived. I will not say that I was ever okay with having c-sections, but I did eventually accept it...

Until March 2, 2009 when Wesley made his hasty entrance into the world at just 32 weeks with my 3rd emergency C-section. I was mentally prepared for a planned, calm, following my birth plan type of C-section. I was not at all prepared for what happened and all that followed...

Months after his birth, when he was healthy and growing and I was recovered from all of the complications/surgeries following his C-section, all of the guilt and emotions that I had overcome had returned in full force. Part of this was due to the fact that a full term pregnancy would never happen, if we were even able to have another, which never would happen due to the hysterectomy on March 3, 2011...

I am writing this because I don't understand this huge rise in C-sections. I do not understand why anyone would choose to have one for convenience. Emergencies, true life or death emergencies are one thing, but to choose major surgery just because is something I will never understand...

C-sections carry the same risks as any other major surgery - infection, blood clots, blood loss, anesthesia complications, damage to bowel and bladder, and of course death. There are also risks to the baby - they can be cut by the scalpel, lose oxygen, etc. I know many families of full term newborns who have suffered collapsed lungs requiring NICU stays, chest tubes, ventilators, etc solely because of the C-section. These babies would have been healthy and would have gone home with their parents instead of fighting for life had it not been for the C-section...

I know that they save lifes, my 3 children are perfect examples. I know that there is good behind them, but this huge rise in C-sections for convenience or because of a failed, non medically necessary induction, is saddening. I hope and pray that one day they will not be as common...

Here are just a few of the research articles/news links of what I have seen lately:

• http://news.msn.com/videos?videoid=acd9ef4c-b4c8-be25-e887-73624b8a1b0d (the link between obesity and C-sections 15 years later)
• http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/health/2009-01-20-c-sections_N.htm?csp=34 (statistics on the risks to mom)
• http://www.medscape.org/viewarticle/512946_4 (long term/short term risks to mom and baby)
• http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/02/130211134842.htm (info on the gut bacteria that is influenced by type of delivery)
• http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2277046/Babies-delivered-Caesarean-section-higher-risk-asthma-allergies.html (link between asthma/allergies and C-section)
• http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3110651/ (National Institute of Health article)

Musical Beds...

I went to bed at 11:00...

At 12:00, I woke to Daddy coming to bed...

At 12:42, I woke to a 4 year old crawling in bed with me. After he settled and realized he was not getting chocolate milk, I was able to fall back asleep...

At 1:54, I woke to my almost 6 year old trying to crawl in bed with me. It was quite the ordeal when I explained that she was not able to get into my bed because her brother was already in there. She finally gave in and made a pallet on the floor. Minutes later, the aforementioned 4 year old decided he wanted out of my bed and onto the pallet. When this decision was made the almost six year old began to sob because the 4 year old touched her covers. The situation was resolved and all fell asleep...

At 3:10, the 4 year old crawled back into bed with me. However, when he crawled into bed, he messed up the covers and this required me to crawl out of bed for a 3rd time in 4 hours. After a few minutes he settled and I was able to fall back into an exhausted slumber...

At 4:40, an almost 8 year old, came into my room. He looked at my bed, tried to crawl in. When he realized this would not work, an attitude kicked in that required Daddy's intervention. He finally settled on a pallet on Daddy's side of the bed...

At 6:25 all were up and ready for the day...

One day I will miss this; until then, I will remain exhausted and enjoy these fleeting moments of their childhood...

Joy Is...

Watching your kiddos play in the sprinklers on a warm *still* winter day...

 

 

 

Listening to your oldest talk about when he gets married to his CCD sweetheart...

Getting your nails done with your sweet daughter...

 

Snuggling with your 4yo baby as they drift off to dreamland...

Spending time with the love of your life...





Being surprised by your siblings and parents for your birthday...

Watching your kids do something they so enjoy...

 

This is what joy is!

The Little Things

Life has most definitely changed  - forever. And that change is slowly - VERY slowly - being accepted. This is not to say that I don't cry myself to sleep still or go anywhere without a pocket of tissues or have even looked at regular mascara, but slowly, I feel things becoming a new normal...

But even with this, there are unpredictable things that will set me into a tizzy - like finding a receipt from CVS, where we stopped as soon as we crossed into MS. That little piece of crumpled paper brought about mass amounts of tears...

The sweet text messages from my family this past Saturday, February 23, letting me know how Team Maura did in the Special Olympics 5K. That brought about a days worth of tears - even requiring me to hide in the bathroom for a bit during a birthday party...

Or today, getting an email about all of these beautiful pictures taken of Maura Annie for Rachael's "engagement Session." I had never seen them all, but lets just suffice it to say, my day has been ruined. They were beautiful. They captured her innocence and pure joy - a reminder to just how perfect she was...

While most days, I try to buy myself with the day to day of life, there are moments where the reality of never seeing her again on earth come full force. These moments always catch me by surprise. They are never expected or anticipated. They just come - as I assume life will from here on . Life's moments will just happen.

Like Granny said, "Lord I'll make the motions, you do the work."

Moments....

Lately, life has been okay - not great, but not terrible. We have resumed our normal schedule and made the most of each day, each moment. School was resumed last week and we have been at it with a vengeance. Our Tuesday and Thursday pre-school resumed this week, as well as my twice weekly tutoring sessions. But, even with this normalcy, the days are still so very hard.

Today, I was having a moment - I needed to get out of the house. I needed to get my thoughts off of my sister and back to my children. So, we packed some carrots and walked across the street to give the horses a treat. The kiddos loved feeding the horses and petting them, even marveling at the vast amount of spit produced with each carrot devoured! It was indeed a wonderful distraction for all of us!

I feel like I have finally found some coping methods for when these moments take hold - whether for minutes or hours. I have found some ways to feel close to her - I have have a pair of her pants and a sweatshirt (stolen one night in MS when I could not get warm) - that I will wear. Or I will grab the nightgown the kiddos made her and bury my face in it, muffling the sobs. (The husband knows when he sees either of these, that I am definitely in an about to break down, missing my sister mood and does exactly what I need - provide the comfort that I so desire)

Aforementioned pants and sweatshirt - we were all huddling together watching the Super Bowl - A bit of normalcy... 

I am trying so hard for these to just be moments and nothing more, but that is hard. It is so very easy to fall into that pit of despair, but I must always remember that I have 3 little people and a husband that rely on me. That need me. That need these seemingly never ending moments, to spread out and just become moments, not hours, not days.

I desperately want to enjoy every second of every day with my kiddos and husband. I want desperately to not be snippy or act grouchy. I want desperately for my smiles to be real and not forced. I want desperately to figure out this new normal. I want desperately to be accepting of it....

I will always miss Maura Annie. I will never stop grieving her loss, but I will also never have these precious moments with my children again. I will never have these moments with my husband again. Everyday that I am stuck in these moments, is a wasted day of memory making with my family - something that I am sure Miss Mischief would not approve of. However, to do this, I must figure out how to let go of the guilt that has such a hold...

Life Goes On...

 

This is a lesson that I am learning on a daily basis Although I feel like my world is imploding, nobody else knows or feels the same. Nobody knows what my heart is feeling. Nobody knows just how hard it was to silence the sobs during the communion reflection on Sunday. These are my secrets. My burdens.

Around me, the house still needs tending. The laundry needs washing. The dishes need cleaning. The children need a mommy. My husband still needs a wife. My life must go on.... 

I truly do not remember much from John David's death. I remember the sobs. I remember the depression. I remember nearly failing school - But I do not remember the hardcore grief. The raw emotions that are felt. The unknown of the day to day, moment to moment.

 But I do know that in time, all will be okay. I do know that 3 weeks does not even skim the surface of what I am feeling. I do know that He is carrying me my entire family, once again, through this earth shattering time. I do know that Maura is in Heaven, surrounded by the little brother she had never met, her grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins - all of those gone before. I do know that she will never EVER suffer another day. I do know that she is and will always be in my heart... but as much as I know this, it does not really, truly ease the pain...

When we arrived back to Jacksonville, I sent an email to a dear friend who has been through the process of grief many times over. Their advice was perfect.

"Keep living. You will have good days. You will have good moments. You will also have bad days and bad moments. But you cannot let those bad days and bad moments dictate your life. Yes, give into them. Cry. Be angry. Be upset. But once you feel like you are above it, say a prayer and go forward." 

“So be sure when you step, Step with care and great tact. And remember that life's A Great Balancing Act. And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed) Kid, you'll move mountains.”   ~ Dr. Seuss (OH! The Places You'll Go!)

Welcome 2013

I think we could have started 2013 off a little better, but instead, it has begun with mommy growing an orange on my only remaining ovary and 2/3's of the kiddos getting Croup (and a good case at that) requiring oral prednisone AND 3 doses of Albuterol for each. For the first many days of 2013, I sat around thinking how much worse can this get, and then without fail, one of the kiddos would have a coughing fit that ended in vomiting, or would begin to wheeze and not be able to breathe, or somebody would head butt me in the tummy sending me into a fetal position while crying, or we would go to the doctor for a 3rd visit in less than 24hours.... IT WAS GREAT!

Then came the first Saturday of 2013, and we played games. We laughed. We read. We had fun. We enjoyed being a family. We enjoyed being in each others company - even with sick kiddos, a tired daddy, and an exhausted mommy. This was truly a great day!

But, Sunday was a different story... It began with the rear end of my van becoming very intimate with the front of Robert's truck early in the morning. Then Hannah spiked a high fever and began to wheeze requiring her use of steroids. As much as I wanted to nap, I couldn't and then I had a headache. The day was going bad and just seemed to be at a steady downhill motion.... UNTIL dinner. Our oal as parents for 2013 is to get our kiddos to eat better and try new foods - especially Lil Robert. Well, last night, I made a meatloaf FULL of zucchini and carrots, and onions, and garlic and wouldn't you know it that Lil Robert not only ate it, but has been begging to have it for dinner ALL day! It has only taken 7 years and 9months to get him to try REAL food!  I was sobbing like a baby!

The one thing that has been great so far this year is our school. We seem to be in a good rhythm. The kiddos are fighting me less and understanding more. We still have a ways to go until I think I will be at a happy place with it, but for now, I am grateful for baby steps!

After these first few days of 2013, I think we are ready for anything - So, bring it!

Mommy knows best.... Or does she?!

As I was snuggling with my beauties tonight, as I have done almost every single night for the past 7 1/2 years, I began to wonder if anyone else came to snuggle with Robert, Hannah, and Wesley, would know just what they like and how they fall asleep. And after this thought, I began to realize just how very different each and everyone of them are - An Individual made in the image and likeness of God. A little person with their very own set of likes and dislikes. A unique child that is like no other.....

Little Robert likes to sleep with his blue fuzzy blanket and Little R, his monkey friend that he has had for the past 5 years. When he first gets into bed, he likes to read, this is slowly transitioning into him reading to me, which I adore. After this, he rolls onto his right side and fall asleep within 5 or so minutes. He likes for me just to be next to him as he drifts into dreamland. Unlike the others, I can not have an arm or leg draped over him. But, if I leave too soon after he falls asleep, he will wake up and not go back to sleep until I snuggle again!

Hannah will read until I get there, but once I arrive, she is ready to go to sleep. We turn off the lights and get cozy into her bed where she has to have her horse sheets, comforter, and pillow. Then she must be covered by her pink flower blanket and finally her striped blanket. Finally, against the wall are her 30+ 'aminals' that join her nightly. Unlike her older brother, she must have my leg over her. if it is not there, she will fight sleep even more than she already does. Once she settles down, the battle begins - her eyes will begin to flutter and just as they are closing, they are wide open. This goes on for a bit with the amount of time her eyes are closed increasing everytime until finally, they are closed... UNTIL I get out of bed! At this point they open with a jolt and she becomes very confused, scared, and disoriented - night after night! Once I promise to come back, she calms down and I move onto Wesley....

Wesley is our wild child and is quite difficult to get to sleep - thus, the reason he is last to snuggle with! Before I come to him, he will sit in his bed and just 'read' books and talk to himself or his animals. Once I arrive and get into his toddler bed - a.k.a. a wood bed frame with a crib mattress - the real antics begin. He will wiggle and squirm. He will sing and talk. He will smack his lips and clear his throat ---> NON-STOP until Daddy comes in for a chat/you better settle down and go to sleep or else speech! After daddy leaves, he will settle down and only whisper while he shakes his legs and wiggles his fingers. This will go on and on and on, until suddenly, he is still and quiet. Wesley goes and goes and goes until he will literally drop and fall asleep in seconds! As soon as this occurs, I am free to get up and go about the rest of my evening!

As I was thinking about this tonight, it hit home just how unique and individual each and every child is. How what works for Robert will not work for Hannah and Wesley and so on. I have really realized this with discipline and bad behavior as well lately. With Hannah, all you have to do is tell her that you are disappointed and the tears begin and she will immediately change the behavior. If I tried that with the boys, they would shrug their shoulders and continue.

I pray that as this journey of parenting Robert, Hannah, and Wesley continues, that God can lead me, guide me, and give me the wisdom to be attentive to each of their individual needs. That I can know what will work to correct behaviors. That I can find what teaching method each needs as we continue on this homeschooling journey. That I will always be there in a time of need with whatever that individual child might need.

I also pray that I will never lose sight that these beautiful, unique, individuals that God has entrusted us with, that they are ultimately His children and I should always thank him, even in the hardest times, for the gift of Robert, Hannah, and Wesley as I am so undeserving of this most incredible gift......

20-year-old pro-life Crossroads walker hit by car and killed Friday morning | LifeSiteNews.com

A decade ago, I had the honor of participating in this. In fact, not only did I grow in my faith and learn so much about myself, I also met my soulmate and husband, Robert.....

I first heard about this tragedy as I was walking into the doctor Friday afternoon with 4 kiddos. My mind still cannot wrap around this tragedy....

A few things to be grateful for: 1. When you are on crossroads, you have NO option but to be spiritually sound. 2. He was praying the Rosary at the time of the incident. 3. He was discerning the priesthood. 4. He is now a martyr for the unborn - giving his life for those he so cares for.... maybe some scared mother read about him and cancelled her spot.....

May or loving and gracious God watch over and bless all of Andrew's family, team mates, and friends. May we all learn from his example and finish his mission for the unborn since he is no longer physically here to do so. May Andrew Moore be flying high with all of the angels and saints....

God bless you, Andrew.



20-year-old pro-life Crossroads walker hit by car and killed Friday morning | LifeSiteNews.com

The Secret Is Out!

Beautiful website that touched on the beauty of our sexuality. Of how miraculous it is. I know that I look forward to all that lies ahead........


The Secret Is Out!

What A Day

Yesterday was a LONG day - and that is an understatement. It began at 1:15 with Hannah waking up because her tummy hurt. She was sobbing in pain and misery and I knew from her cries that it was THE tummy ache. I gave her some milk to try and help things. Applied my rice/lavender warm pack. And just laid with her. We said some prayers and within 15 minutes it was gone. She quickly fell fast asleep again and I returned to bed. At about 4:30am, Wesley woke up because he was thirsty. I gave him a sip of water and settled him back into bed where he passed out again! Finally at about 5:15am, the kiddos started waking. After the ups and downs of the night, I had no energy to fight them so we just snuggled together on the couch and they all fell back asleep until 6:15 when Hannah's tummy ache returned. I repeated all of the steps from 5 hours earlier, but this time, it was not working. I rubbed her tummy with some essential oils. Prayed with her. Worried for her. And contemplated if I should call Dr. Nick.  At about 7:15 I was ready to call Dr. Nick when she began to perk up. Within the hour, she was eating and running around - this tummy stuff is incredible! Once Hannah was fine, I began school with the kiddos. They were all very motivated to start/finish because they knew that there was a special treat in the end - baseball/softball goodies! We finished school, the kiddos received their prizes, we did our chores and cleaned up, and then we were off to Aahliya's Birthday Party. What a treat that was for the next 4 hours! The kiddos loved it. Nobody became sunburned - a difficult task with fair kiddos. It was just a great time. On our way out, I got a lollipop for the kiddos as my thank you for leaving the fun without throwing a fit. Well, luck would have it that Robert's was missing a corner. Normally this would be no big deal, but to a cranky kiddo who is absolutely exhausted, it was the end of the world. In the midst of dealing with this crisis a monsoon hits and I have to pull over. During this time, my phone rings and it is my neighbor. Apparently, we lost power - great! The only way in/out of my house is the garage door because of the safety locks for the kiddos - we were completely locked out and JEA was estimating it to be turned on around 6pm.....It was 3:30. Well, we were down the road from my sister in law so we decided to stop in at her house. We make it to her house and the rain stops. I am opening the doors when Hannah informs me that she is about to throw up. I leap to the back of the van just in time to be standing directly in front of her when the contents of her stomach explode.....on me! JOY! I get her, the car seat, and all of the other items now covered with Hannah's vomit out of the van and begin to clean. So, now, we are not going to hang out at mt SIL's place for a few hours until the power is on, so I clean the van while Hannah sits in the front. I pack up all of the contaminated items and we head out to an unknown destination. At about 5p, I get a phone call telling me that the power is on! WOO HOO! Thank you, God! We head home. Take care of what needs to be done. Feed the non vomiting kiddos and they are all in bed at 7 with me not to far behind...... When I put my head on my pillow last night, I quietly thanked God for allowing me to not only survive the day, but also that the day had FINALLY ended.....

Accupuncture.....

Well, today at 3:00, I meet with Beth at Beth's Center for Accupuncture for a consultation and first session. I have so very many mixed emotions going into today.....

I am scared. I have no idea what to expect. You see pictures like this one to the right and it totally freaks me out. I do not want to look like that! And then the thought of needles all over my body is just plain unnerving! While I have no fear of needles, I do have a fear of MANY needles. Before I go, I am going to set aside time to say a Rosary. That way, my head will be clear and I will have the Blessed Mother on my side!

I am hopeful - but in a hesitant, afraid to get my hopes too high kind of way. I have tried so many things, from chiropractic care (that only caused things to get worse), to physical therapy, to doctor after doctor, and even surgery to remove adhesions. All of which did not work. So while I desperately, with every ounce of my being, need and want this to work, I am so scared to get my hopes up out of fear that they will be crushed again..... But I am going into this with a positive attitude. I have heard many positive things about this. I have also heard of people feeling completely better after the first session.

God-willing, this is the answer to many prayers........

Just Pictures

 

 

Strangers

Tonight, we learned firsthand of the kindness of strangers. . .

I took the kiddos to McDonald's for a special treat. Normally, on Tuesday and Thursday they have $1.99 Happy Meals, so I had promised the kiddos all day that if they were good, we would go and get one. However, once we arrived, we realized that this is not the case anymore and I refuse to pay full price for one! I pulled the kiddos aside and informed them that we would not be getting the Happy Meals, but that we could still get chicken nuggets or a hamburger. They were a little disappointed, but that quickly faded when they remembered that there were games! The kiddos ran off to play and I stared at the menu trying to figure out how to get dinner for them with the cash I brought for 3 $1.99 Happy Meals. As I was contemplating my options, an older couple walked up to me. They were waiting for their decaf coffee and hot fudge sundaes when they heard me talking to the kiddos. This couple spoke to me for a moment and then the gentleman handed me a $20 bill. He told me to get them some dinner, that since he can not get his own grandkids Happy Meals, that he wanted to do it for mine. I tried to argue, but it did no good and so off I went, buying 3 Happy Meals. After I paid, I took the change and brought it to the man. Again, he insisted that I keep the change and buy them some ice cream or another Happy Meal later!

As they walked off to enjoy their date, I stood there waiting for our food with tears rolling down my cheeks. They had no idea that today had been a hard day. They have no idea whether we struggle or not. They just saw a young mother trying to figure out the best way to be cheap and wanted to step in to help out.

When I brought the food to the table, I had each kiddo write a thank you note to the couple and before they ate, we delivered them. Robert, Hannah, and Wesley each passed on their note and we all exchanged hugs and thank yous.

This mystery couple taught all of us a very important lesson tonight - one that I will never forget. So whoever they are, wherever they are, I hope that they know just how grateful we are for their kindness.

My Apologies. . .

 Just a quick apology about not being on much lately. Have just been quite stressed with Hannah, while doing my absolute best to hide, on top of the daily struggles. I have lots of great pictures that need to be posted and some things that need to be updated - like how Wesley COMPLETELY cleared the table after dessert tonight by himself with no one asking. . . granted he made a mess, but what 2 year old would not after cleaning up ice cream?!

Hopefully soon, maybe even tonight, I will be motivated and not feel so physically and emotionally drained by the days end. . .