The kiddos had a stomach bug ALL night Monday and of course, sick kiddos only want mommy, so I was privileged to be up with them all night. Just when I thought it was said and done, I fell victim. Daddy comes home from work and I go to bed. Luckily, for all 4 of us, this bug was short lived... Thank you, God, BUT it still just wiped us (esp me!) out.
Then, Wednesday night, I ate dinner and regretted it immediately. After 36 hours of being free, I was sick again... except this time it was much worse. This meant in a 48 hour period, I had slept only a handful of hours and had 2 bouts with this stomach bug.... I was exhausted!
When Thursday rolled around, I knew that no matter what, I had to suck it up for Hannah, as it was her 5th Birthday. She wanted to eat lunch with daddy, go to the Zoo, ride an elephant and giraffe, etc etc. So, around 8am, knowing things were grim, I called my doc and he was ever so kind and called in some Zofran and Phenergan to help me through the day....
We made it to lunch with daddy and then the zoo. All the while, I was sipping my gatorade and taking ever so small bites of a sno cone. The kiddos had a great time, but I felt like I had been run over by a train. When we arrived home, we all jumped in the shower and got in pj's. Once daddy arrived home, we celebrated her day with her special request of M and M Cookies (instead of a cake) and poppers, and I went to bed.... early!
So, now we are at Friday. I slept the night prior for the first time all week. When I woke, I was tired, but felt SO much better than I had, so we went on with the day. No sooner had I started school and chores - the things we do daily - did the day begin to go from okay to terrible. I was in tears, the kiddos were in tears. We were fighting about school. I tried to make a game with our english work, but that only infuriated them, which upset me for even trying.... it was a relentless circle. Finally, I gave up and went outside and cut the front AND back yard, something that in our 8 years of marriage I have NEVER done, maybe even my 29 years of life..... And I felt TONS better.... for a bit.
Then, nap was a disaster. I attempted school and attitudes flared again. Then I came to the conclusion that I was done, but it was in a rather attitudy, teenagerish way. I called my girlfriend down the street and she came over with her kiddos and the day was saved.... until they left!
Then it was time for our night to begin... Dinner consisted of Honey Nut Cheerios. No Baths. They did change clothes though. And then bed. I was done. Praise God, daddy was here for bed or I would have been even more distressed......
Once they were calm and asleep in bed, I sent my mom and girlfriend a frantic text. I was sobbing. I was questioning my mothering. I was questioning everything. It was such a hard day that I hardly knew which end was up anymore. My poor girlfriend did not even know it was coming, when she asked the question "How are you?"...
My girlfriend, ever so wise, planned a girls night for tonight! And reaffirmed that I am a good mommy. She recognized that it was a bad day and told me all of the right things.... And she made me cry again!
My mom, sweet and simple..... I set myself up for a disaster. This was a long week. We were sick. I pushed myself way to hard and was like an overly tired toddler - anything and everything pushed me over the edge. I would have never even put that together. Never would I have thought that the days prior played a part into yesterday, but thank you Mama for seeing that and in your kind, loving, mothering way telling me.
So, I do not feel like a failure anymore. I do not feel like I am not meant to be a mommy anymore. I feel like I have had a little insight into that mysterious mommy manual. I have been given advice from the wisest earthly mother I know, my own. I love you, mama. Thank you so very much! xoxoxo
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