God's {Ever So Mysterious} Timing

God's timing is incredible and always works in mysterious ways!

Daddy is the president of our HomeOwners Association. Because of this, he has different signs made and keeps them here at the house. The majority of these signs are delivered by the wife of the owner of our management company (did you follow that?!)...

Friday, she dropped off a new 'Yard Of The Month' sign. Since she had no kiddos and mine were playing quietly (!)we took the opportunity to catch up and chat. At one point, she mentioned her sewing room and bells went off in my head and I ran to m room to gather my supplies....

Aunt Maura's Nightgown created be her niece and nephews

As some of you may know, I have been searching for nearly 2 months for someone to help me create a blanket of sorts using some of my Maura Annie and John David's materials - most importantly the nightgown my kiddos made and the blanket John David used. Everybody that I have asked, does not feel comfortable with such memorable items. There was one lady I called that wanted over $150 for a simple small blanket. Because of these constant road blocks, I pushed it back to the dark recesses of my mind thinking that if it were God's will, the perfect opportunity would arise...

I returned and laid all of my goodies out for her to seep. She looked at the stuff and immediately had the idea of a memory quilt - something I had never thought of! We chatted a bit more and she asked me to gather a few more things and then we are a go!

When she left, I sat in my closet and sobbed. What she is envisioning is far better than anything I could have ever thought of! It was the glimmer of light that I needed after a very difficult week! God is SO good and His timing is so perfect - always!

Memory Quilt Exmple

Later that evening, I emailed my parents about this. I wanted to let them know about the incredible kindness that is still being shown. Well, my mom wrote back that she also looked into one, but the lady in MS wanted to charge well over $1000! Because of that, mama pushed it out of her mind. But, when I saw this, my wheels got to turning!

Since I live so very far away, there is not much I can physically do to help my family, but THIS was something I COULD at least try to help with. I thought about asking mama's approval first, but then decided not to in case it was not able to happen...

So, I thought of different ways to get the word out as to what I was looking for and decided upon social media - a.k.a. FaceBook!

This is what I posted at 5:09pm...
My Dear MS Friends: my mama is wanting a memory quilt with some of Maura Annie's special things. Do any of you sew or know someone that would be willing to help her out in this endeavor? She found someone who could, but wanted over $1000 - no bueno! This gift would mean the absolute world to her, and the entire Gray-Lewis family as well...
By 5:14pm, I had my first offer. Then, at 5:16 came the second!

Papa and Miss Hudspeth 2012

I called mama and informed her that I had 2 people willing to make a quilt! She was speechless - which NEVER happens! It meant the world for me to be able to help with this, however little my part may be! Hearing my mother full of joy is so incredible and after all that she does for us, being able to help in some way with this special project makes me SO very happy!

Mama and Maura Annie loved to snuggle...

During this call though, she informed me that had I called just 30 minutes later, she would have nothing left of Maura Annie. She had all of her clothes packed and waiting by the door and she was going to drop them at GoodWill when she out later!

God's timing is always perfect!

Happy 6th Birthday, Hannah Elizabeth!

6 years ago today, our lives forever changed on so many levels...

• We became parents of a precious baby girl.
• We became a family of 4.
• We learned just how powerful prayer is.

 

On the day of Hannah's birth, things could have gone terribly wrong. In most instances, things do go terribly wrong. You see, I had nearly a complete abruption with her...

 These are very commonly fatal, as was the case with my little brother on 12/9/01...

 The fact that she survived with no issues. The fact that I had no major issues. Those are miraculous...

 Hannah Elizabeth is our miracle.

 She has brought so much love and happiness to our family...

 

She amazes me daily with what she comes up with. Her imagination blows me away. Her memory and knowledge of everything is incredible.

She is the best daughter we could ever ask for...

 Her love for anything living is precious. She loves horses with every ounce of her being, much like her mother did when she was little! She adores babies and little children. She is so very compassionate and caring...

Hannah Elizabeth,

I am so very proud of you! You are so very special to me - you are my only daughter! You are the only one I can take to paint nails or play with hair or play dress up.

Just like I do with your brothers, I cherish every single moment together. Every single thing that you do.

As I type this, you are creating words on the floor to create a hopscotch game. You had the idea to make the words. You have a zest for learning that I have never seen. In fact, we have you an entire year ahead of your peers! You, Hannah, began Kindergarten at 4 years old!
 
Hannah, I love you to the moon and back a million, zillion, and one time!

XOXOXOXO,
Your Mommy

Musical Beds...

I went to bed at 11:00...

At 12:00, I woke to Daddy coming to bed...

At 12:42, I woke to a 4 year old crawling in bed with me. After he settled and realized he was not getting chocolate milk, I was able to fall back asleep...

At 1:54, I woke to my almost 6 year old trying to crawl in bed with me. It was quite the ordeal when I explained that she was not able to get into my bed because her brother was already in there. She finally gave in and made a pallet on the floor. Minutes later, the aforementioned 4 year old decided he wanted out of my bed and onto the pallet. When this decision was made the almost six year old began to sob because the 4 year old touched her covers. The situation was resolved and all fell asleep...

At 3:10, the 4 year old crawled back into bed with me. However, when he crawled into bed, he messed up the covers and this required me to crawl out of bed for a 3rd time in 4 hours. After a few minutes he settled and I was able to fall back into an exhausted slumber...

At 4:40, an almost 8 year old, came into my room. He looked at my bed, tried to crawl in. When he realized this would not work, an attitude kicked in that required Daddy's intervention. He finally settled on a pallet on Daddy's side of the bed...

At 6:25 all were up and ready for the day...

One day I will miss this; until then, I will remain exhausted and enjoy these fleeting moments of their childhood...

Joy Is...

Watching your kiddos play in the sprinklers on a warm *still* winter day...

 

 

 

Listening to your oldest talk about when he gets married to his CCD sweetheart...

Getting your nails done with your sweet daughter...

 

Snuggling with your 4yo baby as they drift off to dreamland...

Spending time with the love of your life...





Being surprised by your siblings and parents for your birthday...

Watching your kids do something they so enjoy...

 

This is what joy is!

Learing IS Fun!

Today I finally listened to some friends and turned to our computer for schoolwork...

At first, I was hesitant as to how they would take it. Would there be our usual fights about not doing school, or needing a day off, or doing xyz, etc - there is ALWAYS some excuse! However, today I was shocked!

I opened up Reading Eggs and had Robert and Hannah take a simple test to see where they were at. They then continued playing the 'games' not knowing that they were learning! Each of them played for about 45minutes with absolutely NO complaints - only the occasional, "Mommy, I love these games!" I dared not tell them they were learning/doing some school work!

Then came math and I opened up IXL Math. It is different from Reading Eggs in that you determine where your child is at. You are also the one guiding them as they go. Whereas in Reading Eggs, you must master one skill before you can progress to another. Regardless though, each kiddo had a fabulous time!

After I PULLED them away from the computer and made them go outside, they thanked me for letting them take a day off from school! Little do they know....

A Picture's Value

A few weeks ago, I received a package from mama that contained some Maura memorabilia - pictures, news articles, prayer cards, and such. At first, I could not look through them as it was just too painful. The slowly, very slowly, I began to pull things out - every few days, I would pull out a new picture or news article. I would shed my tears and take my time. The package remained on my kitchen counter waiting for me to finish going through its contents....

Well, today was the day. I shed many tears this morning, and I felt like this afternoon I needed to look at that last picture. I needed to remember. As I looked at it, I began to cry - the remaining picture was the first one taken after Maura's birth...

Rachael, Phuong, and I stayed behind the curtain with Dr. Wender (a family friend and Neonatologist) while Mama, Papa, and Dr. McMillan (another family friend and Maura's God Mother) helped Maura Anne make miraculous entry into this world, late in the evening on August 13, 1991. It was a beautiful occasion - the first birth any of us siblings had attended and we were just awe struck. We rejoiced. We cried. We were in love. We watched as Maura Anne was Baptized immediately after she was born by Dr. McMillan. We observed when they brought her behind the curtain so that Dr Wender could do his exam - we all just stared at this little 4lb 10oz miracle. We made memories...

That first Meeting

Finally the time came for us to see Mama and for her to hold her brand new daughter. We all gathered around Mama and could not take our eyes off of this absolutely incredible being that just entered the world. It was beautiful...

As I looked closely at the picture, I noticed the pillow case Mama was leaning against - the pillow she had brought from home to use during labor. You cannot read the entire thing, but it says 'Mary Paul' - it is MY pillowcase painted by a dear friends mother when I was little. It is a pillow case I found shortly after we moved to FL that I have slept with every night as a reminder of my family at home...
What a special, unexpected link - one that came at a perfect time when I was feeling lonely and homesick. Now, I have a special link to Maura. One that has been there since day 1, yet we never even noticed!

A Special Gift

What a treat I was given today...

Daddy was so very kind and gave me a rare opportunity to take a nap today! What a treat it was - even when Hannah and Wesley decided that they would sleep nowhere but in Mommy and Daddy's bed!

When we all woke from our sweet slumber, I was in for quite a shock...

Little Robert had folded and put away 2 loads of laundry. Daddy had cleaned the floors. Finally, the 2 of them had planted/watered 12 azaleas in the backyard!

What a treat this was as I had my afternoon and evening scheduled for laundry and floors. Since I was not stuck folding and cleaning, I was able to spend quality time with Daddy and my kiddos on this beautiful day...

I ♥ these guys!

Sneaky School Wednesday's

As you can see from the title, Wednesday is sneaky school day!

On this day, I will print off some computer sheets that are incredibly fun, yet incorporate math! We will go outside and search for insects and discuss the difference between arachnoids and insects. We will go on a scavenger hunt for different animals and classify them into categories (herbivore, mammal, vertebrae, etc). We will search for acorns that have sprouted and talk about the roots and how they work and what they need to live. We will use chalk to have word races - this works by seeing who can write a given word the fastest, the neatest, and correctly. I will do MANY read alouds and pretend to have trouble with a word and require help. Or I will stop reading at a point where something big is about to happen and the only way they can figure out what comes next is to read the rest of the chapter!

I really think Sneaky School Wednesday's are my absolute favorite day of the week - and I am nearly positive the kiddos would agree since they do not have to open a single workbook!

The other great aspect of Sneaky School Wednesday, is that there is minimal attitude. The fighting is non-existent. But, the love they show towards one another and me is incredible. They love the freedom and their behavior reflects this, which makes me so very happy.

Seeing my kiddos happy is such a joy. It definitely makes me feel like I am doing something right. In fact, as I sit here writing I am watching them create an obstacle course in the backyard. The are having such a great time and using their imaginations in ways that would be hindered in a traditional school.

No matter how hard the day might be, at the end of it, I am so glad that we are able to homeschool. That we are able to have sneaky school Wednesday. That we are able to explore the world in ways a classroom would not allow. But mostly, that my children are able to grow up at their own pace. They are not forced to act a certain way because of peer pressure.

Children are truly a gift from the Lord and I am so grateful (most of the time!) that I am able to spend almost every single moment of every single day with them!

What a gift I have been given!

GreifShare Emails To The Rescue...Again!

Grief can't be rushed - that was the titles of this morning's GriefShare e-mail, and, once again, it was exactly what my heart desired...

Grief Cannot Be Rushed
Day 21

Your journey through grief cannot be compared to another person's journey. You will grieve in your way and in your time. Grief does not have a set time limit. The only certainty is that it will take longer than you want it to.
"It's a process that cannot be rushed," says Dr. Robert Jeffress. "As a pastor who has dealt with hundreds and hundreds of people who have gone through a loss, I can tell you that it is a process, and it is a longer process than any of us want to believe.

"Going through grief is like going through a tunnel. The bad news is the tunnel is dark. The good news is that once you enter into that tunnel, you are already on your way out."

Your journey is your own, but you are not alone. Do not be afraid to cry out to God,

"How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?" (Psalm 13:2).

How long, Lord, how long? This tunnel is so dark. Show me Your light. Amen.
 

You see, yesterday morning, there was a change in plans, and I have found that a 'trigger' of mine since Maura's death is a sudden change in routine. I had a moment an hour where I felt like life was falling apart. Towards the end of my meltdown, I found the picture to the right <---- . It was as if, she was telling me to just chill out, and I did. Shortly after finding that picture, I recovered and was better than ever! The rest of the day was an absolute breeze, except for the question of when will this end. When will I not have to worry about having meltdowns at the slightest thing. When will I stop feeling like a toddler that doesn't get his way... Needless, today's reminder was absolutely what my heart needed, until today....

I realized this morning that yesterday was Tuesday - she died on Tuesday, January 29, 2013 @ 1:10 pm CST.  Yesterday was 5 weeks, and I never even realized it. Once I did today, I felt so guilty was devastated. I could not believe that I had forgotten. So today was a bad day, a very bad day. I had frequent meltdowns. I was snippy. I was plain and simple not happy. Even now as I write, I feel so angry - not with God or Maura, but with myself, for forgetting. I know many will think of that as a good thing, but in my head, at this given moment, it is unacceptable.  I feel as though I did something unthinkable. I feel like I let her down, and that hurts to the core...

As my day went from bad to worse, I went through my GriefShare emails to look for help, and I found it on Day 17...

 Denial
Day 17

Are you living in a bad dream? Is every step and every move you make automatic and devoid of emotion? Do you feel suspended in time and unable or unwilling to start up again?

Don't worry. You are experiencing a typical first reaction to grief—denial. Denial is a natural reaction to one of life's most painful events. Your body uses denial as a protective device, be it consciously or subconsciously, to avoid facing reality.

"The clock will mean nothing anymore," says Rev. John Coulombe. "Barely will the calendar. People won't know what day it is, yet their senses are more keenly aware than ever before. It's like a dream that is happening, and they can't get out of it. Everything is in slow motion. But this is normal; this is a response to death."
You must not feel guilty or anxious if you are experiencing denial; God offers you reassurance for this portion of the journey. You can say with confidence, "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you [God] are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me" (Psalm 23:4).

Oh, Lord God, I am numb in the valley of the shadow of death, but I know You are holding me steady, and You won't ever let me go. Amen

As always that one paragraph meant so very much to me. Much like the email I read upon awakening in tears, clutching the nightgown that was with her when she left this earth and entered the gates of Heaven. I want it to get easier. I want to feel like I am no longer "walking through the valley of the shadow of death" (Psalm 23). I want to really and truly feel happy again. I want life to be 'normal'...

But when you read the rest of Psalm 23:4 it says..." I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."

Lord, help me to remember this verse in my most troubled times. Help me to remember that you and our Blessed Mother are always with me and all of those who grieve Maura Annie - ready to provide comfort and love, as long as I ask. Keep giving us these little reminders that she is home, safe and sound. In a place where she has no struggles. A place where she will never again experience pain or discomfort. A place where she will always have that huge smile on her face and her hand covering her mouth as she laughs....

Maura Annie, we love you so very, very much and words cannot express just how greatly we miss you. XOXO, Paul

Out of the mouth of babes...

Tonight at Mass, as I was walking back from Communion, my eyes fell upon a little boy with Down Syndrome. He was so joyful - dancing down the isle, back to his pew, while his big sister tried to subdue him... much like we always did with Maura...

As they sat and I continued to my pew, I could not take my eyes off of him. His smile. His short chubby fingers. His eyes. It all reminded me of our precious little red head. At one point, the sister noticed my staring and I just grinned, waved, and quickly turned my head to hide the tears pouring from my eyes...

As I turned around, Hannah and Wesley noticed my tears, even though I tried desperately to hide it from them! Hannah went into my purse and gave me tissues and the squeezed me and kissed me. Wesley squeezed my neck and played with my hair. I was so grateful for these two sensitive, caring, and nurturing children I had at this very moment. The love they showed was beyond anything I have ever experienced from these two...

Slowly, they released their holds as my tears slowed. They each gave me one last kiss - Hannah went back to her singing and prayers and Wesley did something that still shocks me...

He looked at me and whispered "I make you stop crying, Mommy." What his plans were, I had no idea, but was anxious to see what this brand new 4 year old was about to do...

Wesley looked at me, took my glasses off and cleaned them. He them took my tissues and ever so gently, wiped my eyes. After this came the most incredible and heartfelt gesture he has done - he kissed each eye and then ever so carefully put my glasses back on...

Once he finished, he once again whispered "See, I kiss them so you no cry anymore. They all better now, Mommy." He stopped for a minute and appeared to look in the direction of the little guy with Down.Syndrome. Wesley then looked at me, leaned forward and said, "Mommy, Aunt Maura is okay in Heaven..."

Wesley's 4th Birthday ~ In Pictures

Happy 4th Birthday, Wesley Keegan :-)

 

Wesley was in complete awe of his cake and the sparkler candles. The prior 3 years, he was too young to remember, so this year was a BIG deal - He really thought he was some hot stuff since he it was all about him!

Grandma Riker came over for a celebratory dinner, and gave Wesley a whopping $4! Earlier in the week, he received a package all the way from Mississippi that Grammie and Grampy sent - he walked around for days singing "It's almost my birthday" after their special treat came! And now, he will tell everyone that will listen that he was this many (holding up 3 fingers) and now he is this many (holding up 4 fingers)!!

 



On Wesley's Birthday, he woke to quite the surprise - Mr. Elf Riker had made an appearance! On his way in, he grabbed a roll of painters tape and spelled out "Happy Birthday Wesley"! He then ran the tae all the way across the floor, up the opposite wall and perched himself on the shelf, holding the roll of painters tape.